he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
