p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
