And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
