i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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