My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
