Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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