Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
