I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
