am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
