Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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