Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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