yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
