I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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