JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
