Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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