i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
