Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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