Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
