Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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