smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
