I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
