I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
