I need help removing her.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
