no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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