i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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