Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
