so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
