bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
