Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
