Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
