Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
