i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
