he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
