My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
