Girls should come with a carfax report
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
