So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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