I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
