It's like God shit irony all over that family
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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