kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
