sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
