2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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