Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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