i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
