Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
