But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
