Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
