Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
