some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
