this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
