so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My pussy is not your playground.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
