she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
